What I was Feeling While in New York with Tom and Gatsby

This is the moment. Sitting in this room in New York with Tom and Gatsby, I should tell Tom that I never loved him. I should tell Tom that I am leaving him and instead staying with Gatsby. I cannot bring myself to do it. I love Gatsby, with all my heart. I love his dedication, his compassion, his love, and the way that he will not give up on me. I did used to love Tom too. Seeing Tom look so desperate made me feel guilty. How was I supposed to leave this man? Yes, our love is broken and cannot be fixed, but I cannot bare to hurt him after he did do so much for me when we first fell in love. Gatsby is demanding too much of me by trying to get me to say to Tom that I never loved him. The truth is that I cannot bring myself to say that I never loved Tom. I did love Tom, I loved Tom when Gatsby was not here. However, now Gatsby is here, and he is what I want now. Seeing the reactions of the men in the room made me think about how heavily I can impact someone's life. I had amazing times with both Jay and Tom, but now it was time for me to choose. I could not bring myself to say an outright answer. I loved them both. I loved Tom when I could not have Gatsby and now that I have Gatsby I cannot say goodbye to Tom. How come we never know what we truly want?