Why I did not go to Gatsby's Funeral

Why is love so complicated? As soon as Gatsby comes back into my life, why does life have to take him away? This is all my fault. Gatsby is dead because of me, my husband hates me because of Gatsby, and now I have nothing. I could not bare to see the coffin that my lover lays in. Years of regret now consume me. If I were just to remain loyal to Gatsby the way that he did to me, then he would not be dead right now, we would be married, living in his big house with a beautiful family of ours. But no. Now, by me killing that poor woman, Gatsby took the fall for it, and now I will never be the same. Gatsby taught me true love, and he made me feel true happiness, and now he is not here anymore. Therefore, I have lost happiness, and I can no longer love. Gatsby died for me, and I let him. The only person that truly loved me with his whole heart, is now gone. Gatsby being dead, made certain aspects of my life has died with him, and seeing the burial of him, is also the burial of myself. I have no one left to love, for love has torn apart Tom and I. Tom cannot make me happy, only Gatsby can, my heart lies with him. When I killed the woman when I was driving back from New York with Gatsby, I had really killed four people that night, including myself. I had killed the woman, Gatsby, Tom, and the woman's husband. I had ruined their lives. The funeral of one man is truly symbolic for all the lives of the people that died with Gatsby. It was too much for me to bare.